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Good morning and happy CHRIST~mas eve! I can hardly believe it is already the end of this year! I pray you are finished with all of the hustle and bustle and are settling in for some great times with family and friends!
I am sitting in my recliner, cup of hot coffee in hand, blogging and watching it try to snow, we had a little bit of a show shower earlier and now nothing, just the mucky sky! I know however there is "sonshine" behind that muck and that even though I cannot see it...it is there...HE is there!
As I sat this morning I found myself engulfed in tears, they rolled constantly down my face~~ were they happy tears or sad tears? I am thinking they are lonely tears! I sat and remembered the smell of our kitchen as I was growing up, my mom finishing up the baking that she had been doing all week, the smells of the yummy cookies she had made, the gum drop bars, the fudge, the pies, awwwww what sweet memories. All of the presents now wrapped and under the tree and she and my dad having visitors off and on to share in a Christmas toddy or two. We kids were filled with excitement to go to my Aunt Lou's house for a dinner and then Christmas began. My oldest sister would drive us around to look at Christmas lights and when we got home Santa would have already come and the present wrapping was on. My parents did not have a lot of money but they always managed to give us delightful Christmas'. We would all sit in our already selected areas in our small little living room and the gifts would be passed out, then the paper tearing began and the squeals of delight, boy what a treat it was. We would finish off by going to Lena and Willie's to help in celebrating Willie's birthday at midnight, he of course would always go to bed before midnight, but the celebration was always going strong for him. I sat and remembered the wonderful times that my ex~ husband and I went to his grandparents for Christmas, leaving after my families merry Christmas eve celebration and driving the odd 3 hours it took so that we could spend Christmas morning with the greatest people in the world, his family. I remember waking up with my sweet Megan, her eyes filled with wonder and excitement to open her presents. As I sit here alone, no baking being done...no wonder and excitement....no getting all gussied up for the evenings festivities, I realize that I had it all when I was a kid. My family still gets together and does a celebration on Christmas eve and I am so excited to be able to talk to each of them on the phone and wish them a wonderful time! I am not complaining I am just realizing that my life has been a good one, it continues to be a good one as I have the most wonderful husband a lady can have, he works hard and he loves even harder. I am blessed to be here with him and if having all of the festivities back, having all the family gathered around me meant not having him in my life, I will wholeheartedly stick to this aloneness I am feeling. I know that one day we will be able to celebrate with our families, if not here on earth we will in the eternities where I am sure the best birthday party in the world is being put together right this very minute. I know that it will not always be like today for I am praying that soon I will get to spend my holidays with Megan, Chalmers and her sweet little family! I am just so very thankful for this passed year, to have been given new friends who have encouraged me and helped me through the rough patches. I am celebrating my marriage and the birth of my grandson this year and look forward to many happy years to come. God, thank you for allowing me time to sit and remember, to realize that live was great and to value the life I live now. Thank you for allowing me the gift of internet and the love of so many who come and share in my writings each day.
As I sat this morning I found myself engulfed in tears, they rolled constantly down my face~~ were they happy tears or sad tears? I am thinking they are lonely tears! I sat and remembered the smell of our kitchen as I was growing up, my mom finishing up the baking that she had been doing all week, the smells of the yummy cookies she had made, the gum drop bars, the fudge, the pies, awwwww what sweet memories. All of the presents now wrapped and under the tree and she and my dad having visitors off and on to share in a Christmas toddy or two. We kids were filled with excitement to go to my Aunt Lou's house for a dinner and then Christmas began. My oldest sister would drive us around to look at Christmas lights and when we got home Santa would have already come and the present wrapping was on. My parents did not have a lot of money but they always managed to give us delightful Christmas'. We would all sit in our already selected areas in our small little living room and the gifts would be passed out, then the paper tearing began and the squeals of delight, boy what a treat it was. We would finish off by going to Lena and Willie's to help in celebrating Willie's birthday at midnight, he of course would always go to bed before midnight, but the celebration was always going strong for him. I sat and remembered the wonderful times that my ex~ husband and I went to his grandparents for Christmas, leaving after my families merry Christmas eve celebration and driving the odd 3 hours it took so that we could spend Christmas morning with the greatest people in the world, his family. I remember waking up with my sweet Megan, her eyes filled with wonder and excitement to open her presents. As I sit here alone, no baking being done...no wonder and excitement....no getting all gussied up for the evenings festivities, I realize that I had it all when I was a kid. My family still gets together and does a celebration on Christmas eve and I am so excited to be able to talk to each of them on the phone and wish them a wonderful time! I am not complaining I am just realizing that my life has been a good one, it continues to be a good one as I have the most wonderful husband a lady can have, he works hard and he loves even harder. I am blessed to be here with him and if having all of the festivities back, having all the family gathered around me meant not having him in my life, I will wholeheartedly stick to this aloneness I am feeling. I know that one day we will be able to celebrate with our families, if not here on earth we will in the eternities where I am sure the best birthday party in the world is being put together right this very minute. I know that it will not always be like today for I am praying that soon I will get to spend my holidays with Megan, Chalmers and her sweet little family! I am just so very thankful for this passed year, to have been given new friends who have encouraged me and helped me through the rough patches. I am celebrating my marriage and the birth of my grandson this year and look forward to many happy years to come. God, thank you for allowing me time to sit and remember, to realize that live was great and to value the life I live now. Thank you for allowing me the gift of internet and the love of so many who come and share in my writings each day.
Christmas Eve Prayer
Loving God, Help us remember the birth of Jesus,
that we may share in the song of the angels,
the gladness of the shepherds,
and worship of the wise men.
Close the door of hate
and open the door of love all over the world.
Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting.
Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings,
and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.
May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children,
and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts,
forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake.
Amen.
Robert Louis Stevenson
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