I have drank, drugged, kissed and hugged...

Good morning and happy Monday, as I sat this morning on the porch sharing a cup and my thoughts with our Father in Heaven, I was reminded that today starts a month long blog on FAITH!

I suppose I should tell you where FAITH has gotten me in my life and why I insist upon standing upon it to get me where I am going....I have many miles to walk here on earth I am sure, but the destination never waivers, I want to walk myself right into the gates of heaven, I want to be standing at the gate when the final whistle blows, when the heavens open up I want to be one of the ones being lifted to paradise...I have no doubts I will get there, I just pray that I don't get stuck in the long line having to answer for all the times God guided me and I did not listen, for all the times I felt I knew what was best for me and I tried to redirect his plans, for all the times I hurt others, for the times I made others cry, for all the times there was opportunity to share God's holy name with others and I chose to remain quiet, for all the times I could have done more but was lazy and didn't, for all the times someone reached out their hand to me and I was to preoccupied with my own life to even see there was need..and the list goes on and on...I am staying focused on being in the short line, not having a lot to answer for, and stepping inside the gate in a timely manner..I know that as long as I live here on earth I will do things that are not pleasing to Father God, I will let him down, I will make him shake his head in dismay, and I will disappoint him, I am not perfect I am very far from it, I am a work in progress and I am ever learning...each and every day that HE gives me a wake up, is another day to see if I have learned my lesson well and am willing to share it with others, each night when I go to bed I repent and ask God to awaken my mind with the things I neglected and to give me another chance of getting it right. 

I have walked on the wrong side of the tracks many times in my life, I have lived with anger in my  heart for years on end, I have lived in a confused state wondering WHY things can't be different and I have wallowed in self pity, I have flirted with opening the fiery door and I have dared to say "I don't care" I have fallen to my knees begging for help, I have prayed only when it suited my needs, I have drank, drugged, kissed and hugged....never loving me, never loving anyone but the thrill of the next party...I have been on solid ground financially and took advantage of it, I have been up, up, up and never been happy, I have been down, down, down and thought I would never see light again...If it could be done, more than likely I have done it! I have fought, battled, scrapped, gnawed, and struggled to get to where I am spiritually and I refuse to allow anything or anyone to drag me back into my pit of hell that I made for myself...I finally have found my footing on solid ground and I will not waiver, I will step carefully from stone to stone no allowing carelessness to cause me to slip and fall back down. I have struggled more than ever in the last few years, the more I love God the harder the struggle, the more I witness of the goodness of our Lord and Savior, the more debris falls on my head, the more I pray the more satan tries to get me to stop...I laugh now, I used to think I was doing something wrong when after prayer multitudes of problems would hit me, I would thing wow God must really not like me, he punishes me daily, he does not listen to my prayers, he has stepped away from me, I am not worthy, He has given up on me, He does not hear me, He has turned a deaf ear....does this sound familiar??? Well it has taken me a long time to realize that God will never turn his back on me, and that the harder I love HIM the more guff I am going to get...Satan wants me back, he wants me in the place that I was a few years ago, in limbo...not willing to commit, he wants me to say words one way and then live my life another...he love hypocrites, he loves blasphemers, he love the power and control he has over those who are to weak to stand up and tell him to back off!!! He loves the weak and the powerless, but when we begin to get strong, he gets threatened, he gets worried and he thinks his power over us is stronger..Many times it is, we are weak and we give up...he throws things at us and we forget to jump, we forget to climb, we forget to grovel....we just fall down and allow him to have his way with us once again...

I am telling you I rise up every morning and I have my meeting with Father God, I ask him to wrap me in his robes of protection, I ask him to head satan off at the pass so that I can spend my day give my love, honor, and glory to who rightfully deserves it, I ask him to bless me and my sweet family with his "love" I ask him to allow me to be strong in my faith and to help me to choose what is right! I ask him to love and bless you, to shine his light on you the whole day long and to allow the Holy Spirit to dwell right beside you, to guide you, and to keep you from satan's gross fingered grasp! I know that times will be tough for me, I know I will be tempted, I know I will find myself in a weakened condition...but I also know that as long as I hold fast to my faith, as long as I love my Father in heaven with my entire being and as long as I continue to walk the path to my final destination...I might stumble but I will never fall without a helping hand beside me to lift me back up, dust me off, and set me back on the straight path. 

Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
Strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.
belief - trust - confidence - credence - credit

Where does you trust and confidence lie? I pray that if you are feeling lost that you will comment us here at "on bended knees" and allow us to help you understand what is going on, that you will allow us to pray over you and that you will allow us to give you direction so that you can begin to build your FAITH!!! We are here for you ALWAYS...and look forward to hearing from you..If you have a story of FAITH we would love to hear it!!!! God bless each of you this day, please allow his love filled light to shine from your soul so that it can light the way for those who live in the darkness...YOU are loved!!!!

1 comment:

Vicki Kennedy said...

WE move, God doesn't. He is always there right beside us ready to lend His loving support, but WE have to be willing!