Hello and happy Thursday! 32 degrees out this morning, so yes I am writing from within the warmth of my home! We are forecast for the low 50's as our high today and already the day is a gorgeous one, I love cotton ball clouds but as of late I have developed an appreciation for ones such as we have today! the are amazing, I think our Father in Heaven has his air brush skill down to perfection!
My baby girl as you all know IS HAVING A BABY:) Tomorrow is her first big appointment, the first time that she will hear the heartbeat of her baby, the first time she will be measured, the whole "first" time stuff. I have always set the scenerio for "firsts" for her in my mind and in my scene, I have always been right there by her side...sadly I will not be by her side tomorrow..to share in the emotion of the "firsts" with her, I will not get to witness the tears of joy with her, my heart is so very heavy this morning as I long for her, I long to hold her in my arms and allow her to feel the love that I have not just for her but for both she and the baby! Instead I am in one state and she in another, I handle the pain of missing her pretty well most days but today is one that I am not handling, the only thing keeping me going this morning is the blessing that she is "just in another state" so many are waking up this morning with the knowledge that until they cross through the gates of heaven they will not see their babies! When Megan met Derek I was a wee bit sad as she met him on vacation while in Kansas visiting her father...I knew from the beginning that he was something really special and I knew that she would most likely move there to persue a relationship with him, I feel joy in my heart that she has found this man and am very pleased that he will be my grandchilds father, I do not think I could have designed one more worthy! After I met Derek for the first time I knew that he was my daughters soul mate and shared this on facebook, I would like to share it again as it has much more meaning now than it did so many months ago.
a little over 24 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, I thought then, "this is the happiest moment of my life" then she started to walk and talk and develop a personality, and again I thought "these are the happiest moments of my life" as she grew, learned, developed,..... many times I thought "this is the happiest moment of my life. Last summer she met a young man when she was on vacation in Kansas with her dad, when she returned home from the vacation she was different, she was calm, she was just different, so it came as no surprise to me when she announced that she would me moving to Kansas to see if there was the chance of a longterm relationship with this young man. I was devastated, I was sad...beyond sad.... I felt abandoned and lost. Here was the biggest part of my life walking away from me...darned that "young man" for making my girl want to leave me! I did what we do as parents, stood back, watched her pack...even helped a little...and then stood waving as she pulled away headed to her new life. I found myself literally having to place one foot in front of the other for months after she left, I found myself depressed and physically drained and" lived" to hear her on the phone, through text messages and in emails. Her new life began to take shape and she, for the first time ever, was totally and completely happy, the young woman that had loved to go out clubbing, to not be responsible, to live for the next nightlife adventure, was happy to just be at home, was happy to spend all of her time with him, was always laughing on the phone with me, was HAPPY, really really HAPPY! I had the pleasure of meeting this young man for a few days in November when we went to visit. He seemed nice, he seemed genuine and my daughter was completely at peace with him. Megan had changed so much that certain things she did and said took me aback. I gained a bit of relief from getting to meet him, but how much can you really get to know someone in 4 days? i left Kansas feeling some relief but yet more sadness, I guess, in a way, I wanted to see something askew in him so that I could rescue her and bring her back into my daily life....but nothing!!!! This last week I have had the pleasure of his company, they arrived here last Friday morning (3-18-11 ) and I now see why my child is "so in love" why she is really and truly happy, why she is upbeat, laughs all of the time, is calm and happy with her life... I listen to the radio a lot and each time that Carrie Underwood sings "mama"s song, I find myself clinching my teeth and wanting to change the channel..in retrospect, Derek is the answer to my prayers....
Mama you taught me to do the right things
So now you have to let your baby fly
You've given me everything that I will need
To make it through this crazy thing called life
And I know you watch me grow up and always want whats best for me
And I think I found the answer to your prayers
And he is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So dont you worry about me
Dont you worry about me
Mama theres no way you'll ever lose me
And giving me away is not goodbye
As you watch me walk down to my future, I hope tears of joy are in your eyes
Cuz he is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So dont you worry about me
Dont you worry about me
And when I watch my little baby grow I'll only want whats best for her
And I hope she'll find the answer to my prayers
And that she'll say
He is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So dont you worry about me
Dont you worry about me
Mama dont you worry about me
Dont you worry about me
So now it is time for my baby to leave to return to HER life tomorrow morning, the blessing for me is that when I stand waving goodbye in the morning, tears running down my face, it will not be because she is leaving, it will be because THEY are leaving to return back to THEIR life.. I am so thankful that God paved the road for these two to meet, I am so thankful that I get to see the answer to my prayers, that he is good, that he does treat my daughter like a real man should. I am so thankful that I know he is in her corner, that he will hold her when she is scared, that he will calm her when she cries, that he will love her without condition. I have been given the biggest blessing that a mom can be given...Peace of mind, that my little princess will be taken care of...It will not make me miss her any less, it will not make me ache less to see her, to hold her, to laugh with her...but it will make it easier to know that who she is seeing, holding, and laughing with loves her as much as I do..
Thank you Derek, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the answer to my prayers. I entrust my girl into your arms, I trust that you will always take care of her, will always laugh with her and will love her as you do this day....she is precious cargo:) .
Today I pray for my child, I ask God to protect her from the messes I have made in relationships, to treasure her time with Derek and to love completely and honestly! I have often times said if I could go back and do it all over again I would...At this point I have to take this statement back, the things that Megan and I have gone through in our lives had to happen so that we could be the strong ladies that we are now. Today I pray that she know how much I love her and even though I will not be able to be at her "first" in body, I will be there heart and soul. God wrap your arms around both Megan and Derek and allow them to feel the wonderful, unique relationship that they have, bless them with the same love in fifty years that they feel for one another this day. I ask blessings be in abundance for them in the name of our savior Jesus Christ, amen!
May your day be filled with joy, may you have many reasons to laugh today and if something is getting you down...choose to not let it! God bless you and yours and know that you are always in my prayers. Love in Christ
1 comment:
Quit making me cry ya jerk. This was a gorgeous post, I honestly had prayed that you were goin to show up to come to my appt. with me tomorrow. Maybe you will be able to come sometime, you will be the first person I call tomorrow... You can believe that. I love you so much and miss you tons. I hope you have a great day.
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