Hello and happy Thursday, wow this week is flying by! Where does all the time go? It is another beautiful day in Utah, the sky a magnificent shade of blue, one that only God could create, not a cloud to be seen, the sun is shining, all of the foliage is rapidly turning to red, gold, and orange, the temp is a wonderful 49 degrees and the wind is nothing more than a puff every now and again! Perfect conditions for sitting out and sharing time with God! Thank you for all of the blessings you provide in my life Father, I appreciate them and I love you:)
In prayer this morning I prayed my usual prayers, asking our Father in Heaven to bless each one of you with answers for your special specific needs, asking him to comfort you and to provide you with calm and peace in all that is going on in your life! I asked him to continue to bless those who wrong others, who are struggling with faith, those who do not know how to ask for blessings for themselves, and those who have decided to give up on the battle of life and not believe in salvation.I pray for them with fervent and positive energy and ask God to place inspiration in front of them every step they take today, to reveal that he is there and to create for them a plan so that they might seek out the footsteps of Christ! As I began to close my prayer and lift it to Christ for hand delivery I felt a sadness cross over my heart! I sat for a long time and tried to define this sadness and realized it was coming from my very own heart. I guess I will say I am on the pity pot today and wondering how I can expect God to bless me when I hold to the very things I write about so often the need for letting go. I have been feeling very lost and alone as of late, I miss my daughter so much that my heart feels broken, she is happy in her life and that is all I have ever wanted for her, I never thought that I would watch that happiness from afar! When I left my home of 32 years, 18 years ago I felt I had not other options, I was going down a road that was filled with weeds and with self destruction. I was just finishing up on my second marriage, was spending far to much time in the local bars, drinking way more than a person should drink and was lacking in a huge way at being a mother! I found a way out and took it, when I arrived here in Utah I had no clue as to what I was doing, I was now a 24/7 mom who had no family nor friends to facilitate me going out clubbing at night by tending my daughter for me! It was just the two of us. I soon realized the precious blessing that God had given me in her and dedicated my time to her, I then began to meditate and pray. I lived just north west of one of the temples and could see it in all its glory sitting there on the mountain side in the late evening and into the night! I would sit out and spend time with God. I began to gain passion, I began to feel his spirit all around me, I began to love him with all of my being, I hungered for more and joined a church here! I dare to think what my life would have been like if I had stayed in my birth state but I think I would not be on the path that I am on! I miss my family so very much and am not afforded time to see them very often, I have been home only a handfull of times in 18 years and have had very limited visits from any of my family! I sometimes feel the "out of sight, out of mind" pity and I begin to wonder what I have done to not be included in their lives. I get very paranoid at times thinking that they no longer want me to be a part of the family! I was home recently and felt so loved and wanted, my sisters and brothers embraced me and I felt whole once again! But the reality set in as soon as I was back on Utah soil...no phone calls unless I make them first, no real contact at all..I ask " did I do something to offend you?" "Did I say something wrong?" " What have I done?" the reply is always the same, "nothing" " I am just very busy!" I will accept that answer and will "get over the feelings I am having today" It just hurts sometimes to feel so all alone! I ask that you pray for me, pray that my heart strength is renewed and that these feelings of "alone" will leave my thoughts! God I have made the choices I have made with your guidance, I know that Utah was my saving grace at a time in my life when I was certainly on the road straight to hell! I thank you for your lead and dare not question if I have made the right choice, help me to understand these feelings that I am feeling this morning and send to me father, someone who is struggling with feelings much the same as I so that we might understand together! I love you with all of my heart and trust you above all others God, I am diligently walking on the right path and although the hurdles have been hard, I am hanging on! Please hold me this day father and confirm to me that at this appointed time I am where you need me to be! In the name of Jesus Christ I pray with humility and love in my heart, amen!
May you find peace this day, may you feel God's love and may you know how much you are loved and appreciated. I ask God to confirm to you that he is much pleased with who you are! Love to all in Christ:)
1 comment:
You and Megan are very lucky to have each other. It doesn't matter what the distance is between you, you always have each other.
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