Top of the morning to all, it is a very cold Thursday morning here in Utah, all of the snow on the ground seems only to make it colder. I am so looking forward to the promise of spring with flowers blooming everywhere, and the warmth of the sun on my skin!
In prayer this morning as I was chatting with God I went in to it feeling so low and beaten down, I have watched my husband lay sick in bed for several days now and am so worried for him, he never gets sick which makes this harder for me to deal with. I feel so helpless as I can do nothing to make him feel better other than keep pumping juices in him trying to keep him hydrated. I wish I could take the sickness from him so that he does not have to suffer but I cannot so I am left sitting here just watching him and praying. As I was praying I felt like God was moving in me once again, telling me that I do not have faith in him, He will bring Wayde out of this sickness and bring him back to strength. I have to stop fretting as it does nothing but keep me repressed and depressed! I am such a work in progress, every day I arise and say "I will have no doubt, I will have no fear, I will trust in you Father" and within minutes all of the negative comes rushing in. I do trust in God with all of my heart, I just can't seem to get my brain to comprehend that I do, I am a worrier by nature, heck I worry about not having anything to worry about...Still I march into each day saying I will not worry, I will not stress, I will not doubt!!
Today I would like to talk about "feeling loved" do you feel loved this very moment? I think one of the finest lessons I have ever learned was that I am loved, people do not have to go out of their way to tell me each day that I am loved. I grew up feeling like I had to "do" to make people love me. I would stop short of nothing to "do" to earn an "I am proud of you" "you are awesome" "I love you" It took me many, many years to finally realize that I can be loved just for being me...I will tell you how many years exactly...until I was 46 years old. Yes for the first 46 years of my life I lived it doing, doing, doing...so that I would be loved...sad huh? I never saw the worth in myself, I never felt that I was good enough on my own merit, I never felt like I deserved to be loved unless I was giving, giving, giving. Finally after a wonderful counselor...I was able to see that I am "good enough" that I am filled with love, that I genuinely care for others, that I can "do" for others and not have to feel like I am buying their love and approval. When I finally was able to look in the mirror and say "good morning Dawn, you are beautiful, you are amazing, you are loved, and you are a wonderful child of God" was the day that my life really began. Today I don't do things for "approval" or " love" I do things because I love others and I want to give them some peace and calm in their lives. I don't ever "do" with expectations or for "love" I "do" because that is what I want! When I realized this, my "giving" and "doing" took a different turn. I felt so relieved by the knowledge that I do not have to "give" to be loved, that I don't have to "do" to be thought of in positive ways, that I can just be me and loved for who I am. Today I ask you...are you loved for the right reasons? Do you feel that you have to "give" to "get"? If you do, I ask you to go in front of a mirror, take off the mask you are wearing and see the beautiful being underneath. Don't ever feel that you are not good enough, that you are not worthy, that you do not matter unless you are giving...Look at the masterpiece that God has made, look at yourself and see that you are created in God's image and love YOU....when you begin to love YOU, it will come naturally from others...it will be an honest, true, love of YOU for who YOU are. Until you see the beauty of the underneath you will continue to feel that you have to "do" to be loved.....All you have to "do" is be the wonderful person God created and the love will come without condition. Look in that mirror and love YOU today and watch how love from others falls in to place.
You are beautiful and I love you!!!
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