Hello there!!! Happy Friday, I know a lot of you have been looking for it all week long, well it is finally here so what are you going to do with it???? LOL
As I sit here in the quiet of the morning having said an extra prayer for you, I am washed in the warmth of the sun coming through my window. It is shining on my face and is bringing a wonderful joy to my heart. Even though it is still a little chilly to sit out and blog I am imagining that I am on the outside, the only thing breaking my concentration is the fact that my windows have gotten really dirty over the winter and that I must clean them to really have the peace and flow that I want...for now...I am looking passed the grime on the windows and just enjoying this extra special treat that God has blessed me with today! SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS MAKES ME HAPPY......
As many of you know I have been dieting for 23 days now and am very pleased to tell you I am down 26 lbs, I know the beginning was mainly fluid that my body expelled but boy oh boy do I feel better...I have not been hungry once and feel that my body is clean!!! Please pray with me that I continue to be diligent in this quest for a smaller and healthier me!!!
This morning when I asked God to lead me and guide me as to the discussion of the day, I sat in the quiet, sun beaming down on my face and just listened, he keeps leading me to a friend who is going through a divorce. I have known this lady my entire life, I remember hanging out with her when we were in grade school and although we were no sleep over buddies or hang out buddies in our years of growing up I always had a love for her, I always thought she was one of the "cool people" I always thought of her as a "friend" When I moved here to Utah I lost contact with many of the people that had been constants in my life....until the day I discovered MY SPACE, then on to FACEBOOK, I have reconnected with so many and have been able to bridge a 20 plus year gap that has separated us....amazing to see that we have grown kids now, are becoming grand parents, have had love, lost love, found love again...all the ticks and giddy ups of life have taken place and we continue on in the journey we call life.
Back to my friend, I talked to her the other day and she is feeling so lost and alone, she is struggling with "her own personal self" and is feeling useless and like she is a failure...yes it is true one person can destroy a marriage but the norm is "it takes two" I don't know of many, that if a microscope was placed in their lives, would not find that neither one was the sole reason the relationship failed, I think we would find that there were issues on both sides that made it so. I have gone through divorces~~yes~~that is plural, and long term relationships...as I sit and look back I can say and will say that much of the problems were my fault, I took full responsibility for the failed relationships....that was before I took a long hard look at myself, that was before all of the masks I had worn all of my life were discarded and I took a look at the true me, I looked at my body, my face, my hair, my toes...I left no area un~searched....but until I looked at my heart, the raw, broken, shattered at times, heart I did not even know who I was...I watched my mom take total care of my dad all of my life, she cleaned the house, she made him breakfast, she ironed his clothes, she baked, she even put his socks on him in the mornings before he got out of bed. She raised 7 children and took pretty much the same care of all of us...of course after we were old enough she no longer placed our socks upon our feet! My mom had dinner ready at the same time every night, she never had a second to take a break....that is what I grew up seeing and I believed that this was how a wife was supposed to treat her husband...you cannot be late with dinner, you cannot leave the house undone, you cannot let him come home from work without your hair fixed and your make up on...you cannot do this, you cannot do that...I became so consumed with the cannot's that I forgot what the can's were. I began to feel like a slave in my own home, I began to despise always having to have it done and done right....I became an angry person who really resented all the things I HAD TO DO....unfortunately I selected men that lived the same mentality...they expected...the laundry done and ironed, the meals on the table at a certain time, the hair the makeup...etc...I began to feel as if I were not the wife and love in the house but more like I was the maid and concubine and that I had no worth at all...When I got divorced from Megan's dad, I was devastated, I cried for months, I felt like I was a failure, I felt like I did not do enough, I rebelled, I did things that I know did not please GOD but honestly I DID NOT CARE.... It has taken a very long time for me to find my personal self, it has taken 3 more relationships for me to finally find out that I am worth more than maid status...it took me asking God what love between a woman and a man really and truly was and then in asking him "if HE wished for me to have love in my life, would he present to me someone who would love me for who I am not what I can do? " I actually said "God if you wish for me to have love in my life, you will have to deliver him to my doorstep and tell me HE is the one" LO and BEHOLD, Wayde came to my door the very next day and the rest is history. I am treated like a person, he enjoys doing nice things for me, we share the house keeping and cooking responsibilities, and we love like crazy. I finally feel that I am worthy of real and true love, I finally know what partnership really is, I now love without masks, I am what I am and he loves me still!
I am sorry I keep getting off track....I just want to tell my friend, that there is live after marriage, there is a reason the marriage is dissolved, a reason that evidently cannot be resolved...it does not make you a lesser person, it does not make you a failure, it does not make you a loser....It merely means that this love is not what God had in his expectations for you, it means that once you get your heart and soul cleansed and when you begin to see you for the beautiful, wonderful, kind and loving person that you are.....you will understand why this has happened....I know you wear a lot of masks, I know that you have given your all for this to work, I know that you love and love with all of your heart...but I also know that you are worth more....my first and last impression of your husband was not one that I remember fondly....Take off the pity mask, take off the beaten down mask, take of the hide all tears mask, take of the hide the heartbreak mask, take off the I'm okay mask and look at yourself, yes your heart is broken, you have dedicated a lot of years at trying to make this work.....your heart is hurting but you are not a failure...you are not a loser, you are a beautiful woman, you are a child of God and he does have a better plan for YOU....HE just needs for you to see your true personal self...he needs for you to see the beauty that lies inside as well as on the outside, he needs for you to realize your value and your worth and then HE will present to you an eternal partner who will love and respect you, who will work beside you, who will treasure each moment with you and who will never do anything to hurt you or break you....So today I ask you to begin pealing of the layers and start looking at the beautiful you...how can anyone love you if you don't first love yourself...This is not just for my friend, I have been there, and I am sure many have or are there right now.....if this applies or has applied to your life I would love to hear how you overcame or what you are doing to overcome...please leave us a message in the comment section, it can be made anonymously and even I will not know who left it...God bless you all with an unmasking today!!!!!
Father God we come to you today asking that you take special time with a very special person, we ask that you hold her heart in your hand, to take the broken pieces and repair them to take the pieces that are out of place and put them back together, Father we ask that you radiate your light around her beautiful face and open her eyes to see who she really is, allow her to see herself the way you see her and Father give her strength and confidence to walk without the masks, to stop pretending that everything is alright, pull her into your lap and cover her with your love filled robes, allow her the knowledge that first and foremost she is your daughter, made in your image, that she is beautiful and that her kind heart has touched many in her years here on earth, help her to get on the right track, to march boldly forward and never look back. Father cleanse her of the loser mindset, wash away the failure stigma that she has attached to herself and give her courage, strength and a sense of knowledge that she is worthy of good things. In the name of Jesus Christ I ask for these blessings and favors...Amen.
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