"Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God"
For the past few weeks I have been really down and feeling very alone spiritually, I have tried to keep a smile on my face and my heart filled with an abundance of love but at the end of the day even laying in my sweet husbands arms I felt alone, I felt that God was upset with me and had no plans of alleviate the emotional and physical stresses I was going through, as the week grew longer there seemed to be no help. I do not like to allow Wayde to see just how low I get because he winds up feeling like he is a let down as a husband and that he is a let down to God for not being able to take care of me.
Finally I was at the point of falling to shreds and I began to cry, I laid there in my bed and cried and cried and cried, feeling so lost....Then I thought about all the times that I have told people to get in the shower, take off your clothes, turn on the water and stand there, bare your soul to God and allow all of the fear, the pain, the sadness, the worry, the drama, the stress, to be lifted from your body with the water and then watch it is as it rolls off of you and down the drain, you can't get it back once it is in the pipes and flowing to wherever it flows...I got up and got in the shower and I cried some more. I asked God to take it all, I apologized for hanging on to it and letting it define me, I felt ashamed for my faith being so thin and I felt dirty for clinging to something I knew I had not an ounce of control over. I stood there until the water ran cold and then prayed for HIS love to keep me going in the right direction. For the remainder of the day I was pretty much reverent, I was in deep meditation and when Wayde asked if I was okay I told him I was just having some time with my Father in heaven and he understood.
I awoke yesterday morning feeling "different" I got out of bed and the heavy heart I had the day before was gone, I felt peace filled and I felt clean. I hit my knees and thanked God for giving me this feeling and most of all for still loving me when I had been such a doubting Thomas...The remainder of the day turned in to something amazing, thanks to the love of a friend I was able to get 2 of the medications I was in need of. God has once again worked a miracle in my life. It is not about the have nots, it is about the haves and I am just so, so, so thankful that this sweet friend listened to the promptings of God and gave of herself for my need. I so love the way HE works in us and I am forever grateful for the gift of love that was given. In receiving this gift I not only received the ability to get my 2 most important meds, I received much more, I received....HOPE that better days are coming and my breathing will allow those days to get here, I received....PEACE in my heart that God is speaking to others on my behalf and they are listening,I received.....a renewed FAITH that God does indeed have a plan for me and he is working on it as we speak, I received....LOVE, from a person that took the time to see my needs and to make a way for me, I received...BELIEF that there really is good in this world and that no matter how hard satan tries to drag me down to the pits of hell, when I cling to God HE clings back....I am ETERNALLY grateful for this act of kindness and today I am walking, breathing, proof that goodness and mercy ARE with me at all times....
"BECAUSE YOU GAVE, I LIVE"
Acts 20:35 ESV
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
Proverbs 19:17 ESV
Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.
Hebrews 13:16 ESV
Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.
2 Corinthians 9:7 ESV
Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
1 John 3:17 ESV
But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?
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