Good morning and happy Thursday, as the sun comes up over the mountain the birds are singing a song of welcome to that new day, the wind is blowing causing my chimes to be the orchestra for the birds in song....It is a chilly morning but hopefully the winds will die down and I will be able to get in a bit of porch sitting today! I so love sitting out on my porch smelling the fragrant aroma of the lavender I have in a hanging pot and the dianthus I have in another pot..My friends sure know me well, the ones that gave me these two pots of flowers...me, the birds, the smell of my favorite flowers and sunshine, it does not take a lot to make this fat girl happy:)
My Wayde is off to work and my day here is beginning, I have said my morning prayers and yes YOU were included, and I have had my full on morning chat with our Father in heaven about the way my life is going right now, it seems to be the subject of each morning as of late, I thanked him for the love I have in my heart, for the ones who love me and for the ones who come and ask for prayer each day. I thanked him for always placing in my fingers a topic that someone is in need of and I thanked him immensely for allowing me to get out of bed each day and answer those prayer requests. I asked him why life has to be so difficult at this time, why can't things just even out for us so that we can make our way without depending on helpers, I asked him why my disability will not go into effect until October when we are so in need of the insurance and the monthly income now...I asked him why I feel so inadequate and why I feel so worthless in my life right now....there was no answer, I just sat and waited and nothing...then I remembered a quote that I have used in many eulogies I have written, that I have used in many blogs that I have written, that I have given counsel with to so many who are struggling with "life" and I began to laugh...God is indeed a funny, funny, man...when we know the answers to our questions and when we are not implementing into our own lives what we are telling others, he just sits quietly stroking our hair saying "use your brain, think, think, think, what do you tell everyone in your messages?" VIOLA, there was the answer...I have to quit hitting him with WHY and have to start asking him HOW...HOW do we make it through these hard times, HOW do I understand what is taking place in our lives, HOW do I get over the hurt I feel inside, HOW do I put one foot in front of the other when I feel I am never making any movement, HOW do I stay strong when satan batters me in each and every stop I do take? HOW, HOW, HOW do I hold fast to my faith when everything around me seems to be crashing down, HOW do I forgive those who have lied to me, HOW do I get passed those who speak ill of me behind my back...HOW, HOW, HOW... boy when I got through flinging those questions at HIM, HE gave me an earful...boy was it an earful.....my ears are still burning with his words of wisdom and his fierce reply!!!
HOW can I not get through the pain and the heartache, HOW can I not stand tall and do what I am placed here on earth to do, HOW can I speak to others of HIS great love and not allow him to cast blessings in my life, HOW can I continue to sit and feel unworthy of his love, of his blessings, of his infinite wisdom, HOW can I continue to share his word with others but then fall apart??? WOWZERS..what an eye opening experience I witnessed, what a humbling fall I took, what a test of my faith did I feel....I was stricken down to the floor and I sobbed....I cried for a very long time and then it was if a light arose from inside of me, my heart felt warm and my feelings were no longer brittle and broken...I had a strength placed in me that made me rise up, lift my hands to the heavens and I finally GOT IT...I finally understand HOW to get through the days of depression and worry, I finally know how to lay it all at his feet and be bitten if I try to take it back....I finally understand what tough love is, I finally understand what humility is, I finally understand what unconditional love is.. I FINALLY GET IT!!!
IT IS ETERNAL FAITH!!!
I have to have faith each and every day, I have to allow him to work on the hearts of those who are in need of showing compassion, I have to lean upon him while he works on the ones in need of selfless deeds, I have to allow him to work through others as I sit in wait of the blessings he has for me, I am a mere instrument in the lives of others so that they to can fall on the floor in that moment of being dragged into the dark abyss...God uses others to teach us, and it is not all about me, he is using me to teach others...I forgot that part somehow...WOW, I sat for the longest time before I could stand, I cried and cried asking him to forgive me for being selfish, to forgive me for being a downer and to forgive me for feeling like I am alone in this world...
I feel free and I feel powerful right this moment, no doubt satan is around the corner ready to take these feelings of worthiness away from me...but in retort to his trying to tear me down, I will not ask my Father in heaven why satan is trying to win me, I will ask my Father in heaven HOW do I kick him to the curb?
(kicking my feet at him and telling him of my Love for Father God)
Today I pray that if you are in the throws of a struggle that you will go to God and ask him HOW you can get through the storm so that you can enjoy the rainbow...He is waiting to answer that question for you, he is at the ready, crawl up into his lap and tell him what is going on, tell him you need him to show you HOW and then get ready for your heart to pound, your breath to become rapid and your know how to kick in...YOU can do this, YOU are worthy, YOU are wonderfully made, and YOU are his child, he will never, ever, ever let you down...