Good morning and happy Tuesday, for all of you who took time to pray for Wayde and his work in repairing our van...thank you....it is on the road once again and seems to be doing just fine. What a headache it turned out to be...who would have thought a water pump could be almost as in depth as replacing the entire motor???
In prayer this morning I asked God what I could write today that was needed by a soul who was feeling down and defeated, I was reading through a lot of things, I read my scriptures as I do each morning and then I looked at some posts on facebook and right there I found it...God impressed it so fiercely upon me that I knew in an instant that he needed me to speak about personal things today....gotta love it when he commissions me to bare my soul to you. This bit of revelation came to me through a song that a very sweet friend posted Thank you GiGi.... The song had me in tears, not little trickles but a water faucet full of tears. I related so much to the song as this happens in my life daily, even at the age of 51 it happens every single day....I am going to first post the lyrics and then will finish with my testimony of fighting against the one who loves to see me fail...
MATTHEW WEST LYRICS
"Hello, My Name Is"
Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget
Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief
These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life
What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King
I tell you every morning I get out of bed, my back is aching, my legs throbbing, my feet on fire, my body so angry at me...I get up...but my body says "NO stay right here in the bed at least it gives you some comfort"...I say no I have prayer requests waiting, I have a blog that I need to write, I have a valid reason for getting out of this bed, do not try and block me!!!
I walk to my computer and sit down....
I turn on my computer and as I begin to pray a million thoughts come crashing into my brain...I say "God please calm the storm in my brain so that I can begin my conversation with you"....I begin to pray again and something...well not something but someone who does not want me to converse with God, throws a noise my way to distract me, I say again "God calm that noise so that I can converse with you"...finally my mind is calmed and I speak with God....I sit in the darkness just HIM, me and the hum of my refrigerator...
I begin to read my scriptures....boom one reason after another keeps me from concentrating...I have to re~read what I have just read....over and over and over I begin.....I say" God please take the very things that are distracting me from my reading and make them lay still"...and he does.
This is how my entire day goes, I go to shower and I look in the mirror and hear the negative voice telling me how fat I am, how ugly my hair is, "You are disgusting...how can anyone love you with the way you look?" I cry at the sight of me, determined to stop the poor eating habits to do something different with ME..." I try to eat healthy and the temptation of things I know I should not eat come flooding in and I cave!!!!!.
It is a never ending process, the attack on my writing, the attack on my scripture reading, the attack on my prayer time, the physical attack, the doubt that a man can love me as Wayde does, the attack, the attack, the attack...I gave in for many years believing what that voice was telling me, I am the ugly duckling in our family, I am the dumb one, I am the one who never made anything of myself, I am the loser, I am the failure in marriage, I am the poor one, I am the one who is 51 who lives in a little box apartment when most people my age are getting ready to pay off their mortgage, I am the one who drives a hoopty hoop van, I don't have a penny left at the end of the two weeks of pay, I am A BIG FAT ZERO...I cry and I get depressed and then, THen, THEN...I remember that I am none of these things...I AM A CHILD OF THE ONE TRUE KING, I AM WORTHY, I AM BLESSED, I AM LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY AND I HAVE A PURPOSE...
If you are under attack today, if satan is trying to make you crash, if you are feeling like you are not good enough, if you are feeling as if you have been cast into this crazy world and no one has your back....THINK AGAIN. you too are a child of the ONE TRUE KING. He loves you no matter what, the only way HE will ever deny you HIS love is if you tell HIM you do not want it, if you deny HIM, you push HIM away.
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Please don't let satan and his vile voice make a believer out of you!!! God loves you, HE is your father, HE is the reason you have life and HE wills for you to choose HIM, to live by HIS teachings so that you can return home to HIM!!!
Today if you begin to have that little ugly voice of doubt creep up on you, if you hear how unworthy you are....shake your head and tell that ugly voice of satan to get thee behind you because to are walking in the footsteps of CHRIST and you will not deter from your path...You will be surprised at how swiftly there is peace and there is calm. I look at it this way now days, if satan is trying this hard to drag me down, I must be doing what God wills me to do....I will not falter, I will fight to the finish to alway have satan behind me!!! Will you join me in this battle, will you tell him to get behind you and will you walk with me down the straight path so that when we get to paradise we can spent all time and eternity together????
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