as of late satan has really been calling my name....

Good morning and happy Tuesday, it is a beautiful morning here in Utah, the temp is making me think of fall and the birds are loving it as well. I sat out on the porch this morning for a very long time taking in all of the wonderful blessings that God gives us so freely to enjoy. Each day I sit and realize just how much I do take for granted, each day that I am able to look out and see the beautiful sky, to hear the birds singing and not say a hearty Thank You is a day I take blessings for granted. This morning as I sat there I became emotional about all the little things that I have come to expect in life that really are not due me, as little as a blade of grass, a puff of wind, the sway of the branches on the trees...and the list goes on and on. I sat feeling ashamed at the poor poor pitiful me mentality that I have been living. I sat and wondered why day after day God continues to bless me with the little things..He truly is an understanding Father, he truly is amazing and I truly am blessed to be loved in the manner in which he loves me. 

I have been away from my blog for a little over 3 weeks now and have taken time during this break to really access some deep feelings I have been having. When you get to a point health wise that each day feels as if it could be your last you really have to stop and think about things. I did just that and realized that as of late satan has really been calling my name, he has been standing over me and really wanting me to join ranks with him, he has drained me of energy, he has been key in trying to put negative in every moment of my day and he almost succeeded. I was slipping, slipping, slipping and was fast losing things to grab on to to keep me from plunging to sure spiritual death. I began to doubt so many things in life and then I had to look back and see when all of this really started.....lo and behold, it was when I decided to become a minister, when I made up my mind that I would take the classes and put in the extra spiritual study my life began to take a turn to the dark side, everything that could go wrong did, every negative emotion that could come into my being did, once again I found myself without, not just physical things but without the will to even pray....I became bitter, I became angry, and I became really liked by satan for being negligent in my daily walk with God. I continued to pray for those who come to me daily for prayer but I did not pray for me, I did not pray for us, I did not even begin to be aware that I was dangerously close to the adversary...

After some much needed soul searching I am back on track and feeling much stronger, I think God had to throw in some health issues so that I would stop what I was doing and get back in focus with what really is important. If Wayde and I fail financially again... so be it, at least this time we don't have as far to fall, if we wind up with nothing we have not lost much and we still have each other and that is enough. I am so very thankful to God for Wayde, he is my strength here on earth, he makes me laugh every day and when I get way down he is the one who can pull me back up, and set me back on track. God knew that in this chapter of my book that I would need that and he was so clever in bringing us together...another loud Thank you I am giving. I wish for each of you a chance to reflect on what is important in your life, to level yourself out if you are feeling beat up and picked on, a chance to recognize what is important and what is not, a chance to sit for a long time and hear the still quiet voice of God and allow his blessings to flow all over you. Take the time... it is so worth it, I am calling it a soul cleansing and even though it took a long time and some deep deep crying I am climbing out of my hole and am leaving the junk down there where it belongs. I so appreciate each of you and the love you give me, I am so thankful for your continued prayers and look forward to catching up and spreading more of the beautiful messages God has lined up for me to share. Love to each of you and know you are in my heart and on my mind! Have a glorious day my sweet friends.... Oh and on a side note....I am going to go through with my on line studies and become a minister....how do you like that devil man??? I will not allow you to beat me down one moment longer...take it all from me if you must but the one thing you will never get from me is my faith and my love for Father God.....so hack away because I am stronger than you think I am, I have God at my side and as long as I hold his hand you can do nothing to me!!!!!